The Soul of Success Vol. 6 • November 15, 2005

Welcome to The Soul of Success On-Line Community for Women! This community is about finding balance in life by looking for ways to balance the inner and outer aspects of life. I’m delighted you’ve joined us for this issue of The Soul of Success e-newsletter on The Power of Compassion.

Compassion is an inner value of life that can affect the outer aspect in a significant way. I’m not sure whether compassion is something that grows in us naturally as we mature in wisdom, or if it’s something that can be developed. But I do know that compassion belongs to the heart, and when we experience or express it, healing happens—for those giving it and those receiving it. I hope you enjoy the Feature Article on Compassion, and that you’ll share your own experiences about compassion with us (e-mail to stories@jenniferhawthorne.com).

Please share this newsletter with a friend—that’s how we’ll grow our on-line community and help each other live in balance!

In this Newsletter:

• Ask Jennifer: The Topic is Aging!
• Feature Article: “The Power of Compassion”
• Today’s Tip
• Readers Speak
• Next Issue: “The Power of Self-Expression”
• Contact Us

Ask Jennifer: The Topic is Aging!

I recently attended my 40th high school reunion (Robert E. Lee High, Baton Rouge, Louisiana), where I was one of three classmates asked to say a few words. There were the inevitable jokes about getting old, and I was amazed to meet people who were not only retiring, but some who were close to retiring from second careers!

I felt so grateful to be able to share a perspective on aging from cultural anthropologist Angeles Arrien, with whom I studied this summer at Jean Houston’s Social Artistry leadership program.

Angeles presented a cross-cultural model of aging quite different from the one we think of in our society, which typically devalues people as they age. She pointed out that many cultures regard the stages of aging to be along these lines:

I love correlating aging with the growth of wisdom! Let’s dedicate an entire issue of this e-newsletter to this topic soon. Send me your thoughts on aging at jennifer@thesoulfofsuccess.com. Be sure to include your age!

Do you have a question for Jennifer? Send an e-mail to: jennifer@jenniferhawthorne.com with “Question for Jennifer” in the subject line.

Feature Article: The Power of Compassion
by Jennifer Read Hawthorne

The Dalai Lama once said, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If YOU want to be happy, practice compassion.”

Now I don’t know if compassion is something you can learn, but it does feel like an important key to happiness. When I’m in the presence of a compassionate person, the feeling of love is palpable. So much so, that even the memory of it can call up the feeling.

For example, I had the great blessing of meeting Mother Teresa in India many years ago. I was staying at the home of a Christian family when the lady of the house told me that “Sister Teresa,” as she was known then, was coming to visit her church and the adjoining orphanage. I leapt at the chance to go when she invited me.

After touring the orphanage and speaking to a group of women, Mother Teresa greeted each of us personally. I wish I could tell you what she said to me, but all I remember is the wave of love and compassion that swept over me. I can still feel it when I think back on that moment.

Compassion to me means having a deep awareness of another’s suffering without overidentifying with it or being overwhelmed by it ourselves. Can it be learned? Is it something we actually do? Let’s go back to what the Dalai Lama said about “practicing” compassion. I have an extraordinary story to share with you that I feel illustrates compassion in action.

It’s about Lynne Twist, one of the founders of The Hunger Project, whose goal it is to eradicate hunger in our lifetime. Lynne had just returned to New York from Africa, where she and several other Hunger Project volunteers had been working. At a meeting one evening, they celebrated their successes. She felt deeply connected with the people of Africa, especially the women, and light enough to walk on water as she left the meeting around 9:30 and hailed a cab on Park Avenue.

Almost immediately, it became obvious that she was in the presence of a very angry young African-American man, full of enormous hatred and rage. He drove as if he wanted to kill someone. He honked at every moving object. He was rude and reckless—and Lynne sat frozen in the backseat.

Suddenly an Indian cab driver cut them off, and the driver of Lynne’s taxi went berserk. When they got to the next red light, her driver jumped out of the cab, went over to the other driver and started pounding on the hood of his car. Then he pulled out a knife and tried to stab the driver, who ducked and then, as the light turned green, sped away.

Her driver came back to the car and got in, the knife still in his hands. Lynne’s heart was pounding and a million thoughts raced through her mind: What do I do? Do I scream for the police? Do I try to get out?  But the loudest thought of all was, I can be effective in Bangladesh or Africa in empowering people to begin to turn their situation around, but can I walk my talk with this man?

She stayed in the cab. At one point she did suggest that he pull over and let her out, at which point he turned around and starting yelling and swearing at her. In fact he yelled at her the entire rest of the way to the Village, where she was staying, but somewhere around 42nd and Broadway, Lynne said she suddenly stopped listening from her head, and dropped into a place of compassion in her heart.

As Lynne says, “I don’t know if we could scientifically prove this, but when you’re in your heart, it seems you have access to courage. I think there’s no fear, because love is devoid of fear.”

When they got to the place she was staying, after he had screamed how much she owed him, she said, “You know what? I’m at the end of my day; I don’t have anywhere else to go now. Would you like to talk?”

He looked at her as if she were crazy. He stopped yelling, stared at her for a moment, and then started talking. He started telling her the tragic and brutal story of his life, of his mother, who had been a crack cocaine addict, and his father, who had beaten him and kicked him in his stomach when he was three years old, which had given him back problems ever since. He talked about the horrors of his neighborhood.

And suddenly Lynne realized that she could no longer separate herself from this man. She realized that as human beings, they were the same. And she got out of the back seat and into the front seat, and took his hand.

Right beneath her hand and his was the knife. The switchblade was still open. The man started to cry. He wept about the horrors of his life, and the anger he felt towards every racial and ethnic group. By the time he was finished, he was sobbing.

Lynne took his other hand and told him her name. He told her his, then she paid him and got out of the cab.

In that moment, Lynne saw a man yearning to love and be loved, and while she said she couldn’t know whether she had made a difference in his life, she knew that he had made a difference in hers. For as Gandhi said, “The unadulterated love of one person can nullify the hatred of millions.”

Adapted from The Soul of Success: A Woman’s Guide to Authentic Power, Health Communications, Inc., copyright 2005 Jennifer Read Hawthorne.

Today’s Tip

Compassion is a doorway to the heart. The next time you feel angst about the plight of people suffering in the aftermath of a natural disaster, or a friend battling cancer, or someone who has recently experienced tragedy, see if you can detach by practicing acceptance. Can you accept that this situation is part of life as a human being on planet Earth at this time? Acceptance makes it possible for us to support others without being overwhelmed or devastated ourselves. 

Readers Speak

Last issue’s question: Do you feel that you are in touch with your intuition? Do you tend to listen to it or ignore it? Can you give us an example of something that’s happened recently when you did one or the other?

Stacey B. wrote to share her experience, which has been edited for this newsletter:

I am fairly in tune with my intuition and usually listen to it. I finally listened to it this past July when I made the decision to leave my husband and file for divorce. It was one of the most painful decisions to make, yet one of the easiest because the only voice I listened to was my intuition, which said I already knew what needed to be done—I just had to take the steps and put it into action.

Once I acted on what I knew to be the right thing, everything fell into place quickly. Up until then, for about a year, I had felt adrift, irritable and lost. But as soon as I made the decision to leave, I immediately felt more at ease and less stressed. I began looking for a place to live, making plans and lining up people to help. The more I planned, the more things fell into place, and the more I felt I was on the right path. The closer I got to moving day, the less stressed I was. There was just a general sense of “Keep going in this direction. You're doing the right thing.”

I still have stressful times, but nowhere near what I had before I left. My daughter has even said she can tell I'm happier. Even though she misses having her dad around every day, she likes having a happier mom better.

Thanks for sharing, Stacey. We wish you happiness and peace.

This Issue’s Question for Readers:

What can we do to put back the “holy” in the “holi-days”?

Send your answer to: jennifer@jenniferhawthorne.com with “Question for Jennifer” in the subject line. I’ll share and discuss your answers in the next e-newsletter.

Next Issue: The Power of Self-Expression

Do you jump out of bed in the morning hardly able to wait to start your day? Do you feel excited, inspired about what your day looks like and what might unfold? Or are you one of the 80% of Americans who don’t like their jobs?

If we spend a third or more of our lives working at jobs that don’t fulfill us or use the ways we naturally express ourselves, we rob ourselves of joy and good health. Join me in our next issue to find out how to recognize your natural gifts and the rewards of pursuing them.

Contact Us

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